Keep me awake.

Once upon a time… actually ten years and nine-ish months ago to be somewhat exact, I was a young bride. (for those of you who don’t know, I got married at 22, which by today’s standards is considered young.) While preparing for my wedding, one of the many choices that came up was which song would be the first song we would dance to as husband and wife. After listening to what seemed like 1,000 love songs, I discovered a Josh Groban song which really spoke to my heart.

I say discovered because, fun fact, even though the song is titled “Awake” it was not included on his album also titled “Awake.”

Weird, right? I was, and still am, a huge JG fan, so the fact that I had all his cd’s and yet still had to stubble upon his most meaningful song to me is just mindboggling. It’s just one of those things that happens that way simply because it is supposed to.

In hindsight, if I had listened to that song over and over again prior to ever even being in a serious relationship, it would not likely have the same impact it did after discovering it for the first time while thinking about spending the rest of my life with the man I love.

Here is a snippet of the lyrics, although you should look it up on you tube and give it a listen.

“I know that only time will tell us how to carry on without each other, so keep me awake to memorize you. Give me more time to feel this way. We can’t stay like this forever, but I can have you next to me today … If I could make these moments endless, if I could stop the winds of change, if we just keep our eyes wide open, then everything would stay the same. So keep me awake for every moment.”

You might think it’s kind of a sad song to be chosen for a wedding and maybe you are right. But I felt that if I could hold on to the love we felt for each other on our wedding day then, no matter what came next, we would be alright. No matter what lies ahead I thank God for each and every moment we share together, because time is one of the greatest treasures in the world.

Nearly nine years later, I hadn’t thought or even listened to that song in a long while. I was alone in the hospital with a brand new baby boy who was wide awake and looking up at me like, “now what?” I think maybe he knew how badly I had been wanting to get him out of me! (I was so uncomfortable the last month of the pregnancy.) So I picked up my phone and opened Pandora. The very first song to play was Josh Groban’s “Awake.” As I sang this song to him that night the meaning behind the words came flooding back to me and overwhelmed me with emotion.

It occurred to me that night that if I had gotten my wish to freeze the moment with Michael when we first got married then we never would have moved on to even BETTER moments. And, truthfully, although I miss my babies being babies, if I could have frozen time the day Nathan was born then I wouldn’t be able to hear him say, “Mama!” or see his smile when he says it.

We never know what the future holds, but time is a gift we must treasure. Time to say, “I love you.” Time to say, “I’m sorry,” or “I forgive you.” Time to simply BE together.

I used to view time as the enemy, but now I truly see it for the gift that it is. TIME is the reason I chose to spend my life on photography. As the present quickly turns into the past, having these images not only reminds us visually but also emotionally. We remember what we felt when the photographs were taken. and to be able to visit that feeling is what makes photography essential. It’s also the reason I know God called me to serve people this way. Being a small part of preserving people’s stories means the world to me.

We can’t stay like this forever, but I can have you next to me today.

May 23, 2021

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